Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
