I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
