I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
