I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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