mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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