I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize