no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
