Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
