She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Randomize
