Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Still dying that you shit outside
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
