Someone shit on the floor
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
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