he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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