I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
he puts the penis in happiness.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Randomize
