Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Randomize
