i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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