lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
