He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
