I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
We need to rekindle our bromance
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
