Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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