Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize