we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
