Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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