So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
