After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
i've created a new STD.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
