so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
