I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
