Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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