She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
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