Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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