I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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