did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Randomize
