They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
