i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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