It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I don't deserve a penis
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Randomize
