Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
