I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
