Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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