I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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