the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Randomize
