At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
