And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Need sex. Gaining weight.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
