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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
