Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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