dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
