I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
