Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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