so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
