Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Found your dick twin last night
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Randomize
