that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize