I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize