I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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