Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
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