then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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