This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
then he tried to convert me to islam
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
