i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
