I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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