eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
