So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Life is so much better after having sex.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
