I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I think your dad took our porno
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
