You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Randomize
