Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
