Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
