I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
