I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
