Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
