i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
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