you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
