she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I think I won the penis lottery.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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