nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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