my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
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