you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
