she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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